• Some bosses just can’t or won’t stick up for you
  • Get clarity on the situation of why they don’t defend you
  • Be better than them and find the solution to protect yourself 
It’s one of the worst things to go through. You’re sitting in the meeting and everyone is blamestorming you and saying you’re not doing your job.

The insults and jabs are coming from all directions. You’re doing your best to defend yourself but it’s nearly impossible because the attacks are coming from all around you. You can’t dodge every single one of them.

The worst of the worst is when your fucking clueless executive starts to say out loud in front of everybody that you’re not cut out for the job and that a better more capable person is needed.

You want to scream out loud. You have legit reasons as to why the project status and results are the way they are. They just don’t know the background and details behind it all. If they did, then they’d understand.

You want to fire back at every single person. But, you can’t. So, you sit there silently as you take one gut punch after another.

And while this is all happening, you’re desperately looking to your boss for help. They know the background and details. They should be stepping up and defending you and your work.

But, your boss isn’t doing anything to stick up for you.

In fact, your boss is siding with everyone else in the room. Their additional snide remarks are really throwing you under the bus. They’re just making things even worse. They are the ones that are twisting the knife in your back.

You’re about to lose your shit. You want to explode, cry and scream at the top of your lungs.

Why The Fuck Do Some Bosses Not Defend Their Employees?

Having a great kickass boss that supports you, removes roadblocks, and gives you the freedom and flexibility to be massively productive is a truly life-changing career gift. But, that’s not what you have here.

While it’s easy to love great bosses and run away from asshole bosses, how to deal with the kind of boss that doesn’t advocate and defend you isn’t as straightforward.

You’ve gotta get a better understanding of why your boss isn’t stepping up to shield you from wrongful and mistaken blame. And, once you have a clearer understanding of your situation, you’ll be able to work through it.

Scared & Don’t Have The Balls

Let’s face it. Some people just don’t have the courage (balls) to stand up against others. This is particularly true if your manager is an introvert and doesn’t have the mental strength and bravery to take a stand against their boss and others.

They have to strike a delicate balance of trying to be amenable to their boss and others while still trying to be on your side. This is why being in middle management sucks sometimes because you’ve got to balance things from all directions of the organization.

Protect Their Fragile Reputation

Bosses that have weak reputations at work tend to shy away from defending their employees in order to protect their fragile reputations, no matter what the cost - even if it means jeopardizing those under them.

Their primary goal is to preserve their personal brand and maintain their positional status within the organization. What this often results in is employees being left to defend themselves when times get tough.

Can’t Man Up & Accept Responsibility 

One of the best ways that cowardly bosses will avoid responsibility is to simply shift the blame downward. By joining ranks with the others, they are in effect acknowledging that you are the problem and that you had full responsibility for it.

It’s much easier for empty suits to deflect and redirect the attacks to their employees so that they don’t have to take any responsibility for things. It’s all on you, not them.

Don’t Have The Ability Or Skills

Standing up to others, whether that’s at work or elsewhere, isn’t an easy thing to do. It takes some serious courage to not only defend yourself but to do so on solid grounds where you know you’re right.

This is a skill that takes time to develop and it’s gotta be constantly trained and retrained so that it doesn’t disappear. It’s a perishable skill. They must improve their skills or else, they will weaken. Not all managers have this skill.

Insecure & See You As A Threat

Believe it or not, some bitch bosses won’t defend their employees if they see them as a potential threat to their careers. Some have deep-seated insecurities that frequently haunt them. It’s the kind where they see any bright rising star as a potential person that will bump them off the org chart.

So, one of the tactics they’ll employ is to allow their employees' reputations to get tarnished in order to keep theirs clean.

Don’t Give A Shit

When you have a boss that doesn’t give a shit and doesn’t care about you and your work, they have no interest or motivation to support and defend you. They could be lazy, hate their job, have personal/family issues, nearing retirement or any number of things.

The point here is that they just don’t care about you and the situation you’re in. They just want to clock in and clock out of work. They have no interest in getting involved.

What To Do When Your Boss Doesn’t Have Your Back

When your boss doesn’t step up and defend you when you’re getting kicked to the ground, there’s a really good chance that you’re going to have a knee-jerk reaction and do something that you’re gonna really regret.

This reaction you’re going through is totally normal. After all, this is a built-in natural instinct for human survival - quite literally. It’s no different than being physically attacked. We are all pre-programmed to defend ourselves when we’re being threatened or attacked.

Right now, you probably feel like you want to take action to fix things. You want to fire back at everyone. But don’t.

Here’s what you need to do.

Release Your Emotions To Destress

The roller coaster of emotions that you’re experiencing right now is normal and natural. What you need to do now is to continue to process and work through these emotions, don’t bottle them up. That’s the last thing you should do.

You’ve gotta “feel it to heal it” as the saying goes. It’s just like how children bawl their eyes out and unload everything verbally and physically when they're angry or upset. And after they do, they’re able to easily reset themselves back to neutral like nothing happened.

You’ve gotta do likewise here. So, do whatever it takes to release your emotions. Scream inside the car, throw rolled-up socks against the wall, vent at work or get with your work BFF and unload. Get the shit out of our system.

Keep Your Cool & Be Professional

If there’s one thing that you must do, it’s to keep your cool and be professional. We know that you’re banging your head against the wall and want to launch email counter-attacks and scream for help.

But, doing so will make you look really bad. You have a professional image that you have to keep in good standing. You gotta remain calm. Go take a walk outside around the block. Get some fresh air. Do a one-minute meditation.

Check Yourself & Ask Teammates 

Sometimes, it’s not solely the fault of your boss. You’ve gotta take an honest look at yourself and see if there’s anything that you’re doing that may be resulting in these kinds of situations.

Ask your teammates for their honest opinions. Maybe, they’re able to tell you things that you totally overlooked or maybe never even noticed. You can also ask them if they’re going through the same issues as you. And if so, it could be a sign that you guys may have a toxic boss as a manager and could collectively team up for a face-to-face meeting.

Who knows, maybe you guys can fire your asshole boss.

Talk To Your Boss & Get Clarity

Here’s the most obvious thing to do - talk directly with your boss and give negative feedback safely. But before you do, do your homework beforehand. Gather the facts (and just the facts) of the issue. Act like a scientist or detective.

Explain the background and provide as much information as you can, without emotion in very simple and logical terms. Ask them why they didn’t defend you. Don’t be afraid to tell your boss what it’s costing him or her by not protecting you and your work, which ultimately rolls up to them. Only when your boss clearly sees what their lack of action could cost him or her will they be more likely to change their ways.

Then, more importantly, allow them the time and space to explain their thoughts and logic. They might open a perspective or angle that you didn’t see. Remember, up until this point, you’re only seeing things from your perspective.

Build Other Alliances

Relying on only one person for your success isn’t a good strategy. Your boss is only one of many others in your organization that can be your advocate and can support and defend you when things get tough.

It’s a good idea to start forming positive alliances at work so that you have multiple sources of support. Don’t just rely on your boss who may or may not be there for you. And since you can’t rely on them, you gotta find others you can depend on.

Be Calm, Confident And You’ll Get Through It

Right now, you’re at the edge of losing it. You just don’t give a fuck anymore and want to tell off your spineless manager for not stepping up. The good thing is that you had self-control and didn’t fly off the handle. You knew better and took the high road here.

The shitty part is that the situation hasn’t been improving much at all. You’re frustrated and angry as fuck. All of the feelings of injustice are still boiling inside of you.

This is the time when you’ve gotta take a few steps back and take a breather to reassess things and get more clarity on the situation. And once you clear your head and can get a wider and deeper view of things, you’ll be able to find the best path forward.

You may be able to get the support you need. Or, you may find a much better alternative. Either way, you’ll work your way through the challenge just like you’ve done millions of times before.

Feel Better,

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