SUMMARY POINTS
It’s not the first that this has happened. In fact, it’s now becoming an everyday thing.
You’re in the zone with work and your boss comes by to subtly boast about a recent success at work that in all honesty, they didn’t have much to do with at all. Despite that, they spin it so that it looks like they were pivotal in contributing to the win.
Other times, it’s flat-out showmanship.
They claim credit for a big achievement even though they didn’t do any of the grunt work behind the scenes. They are fucking delusional in a psychological personality disorder kinda way. It makes you wonder if you’re living in a reality TV series at the office.
All of this drives you insane because they’re getting all the kudos for the real work that you and your fellow teammates did.
And, it’s not just that.
It’s also all of the other self-centered behaviors and actions they do that continually undermine you and your coworkers, just to make themselves look good. They make work life annoying at best and miserable at worst.
It’s time to do something about this.
You’re in the zone with work and your boss comes by to subtly boast about a recent success at work that in all honesty, they didn’t have much to do with at all. Despite that, they spin it so that it looks like they were pivotal in contributing to the win.
Other times, it’s flat-out showmanship.
They claim credit for a big achievement even though they didn’t do any of the grunt work behind the scenes. They are fucking delusional in a psychological personality disorder kinda way. It makes you wonder if you’re living in a reality TV series at the office.
All of this drives you insane because they’re getting all the kudos for the real work that you and your fellow teammates did.
And, it’s not just that.
It’s also all of the other self-centered behaviors and actions they do that continually undermine you and your coworkers, just to make themselves look good. They make work life annoying at best and miserable at worst.
It’s time to do something about this.
Why Narcissistic Bosses Suck
Even if you don’t know the term, you’ve definitely been exposed to and worked with or for a narcissistic boss.
A narcissistic boss is usually someone who thinks that their shit don’t stink and feels that they are entitled to special treatment, recognition and/or privileges that others don’t have or get. They are also quite self-centered and think highly of themselves.
While this combination of traits in a coworker is irritating, it’s entirely another issue when it’s your boss. They make work life so frustrating and stressful that it makes you feel like quitting.
Here’s why.
A narcissistic boss is usually someone who thinks that their shit don’t stink and feels that they are entitled to special treatment, recognition and/or privileges that others don’t have or get. They are also quite self-centered and think highly of themselves.
While this combination of traits in a coworker is irritating, it’s entirely another issue when it’s your boss. They make work life so frustrating and stressful that it makes you feel like quitting.
Here’s why.
1) Egotistical And Self-Centered
Many of these kinds of bosses have an outsized ego without the talent and skills to back it up.
In most cases, but not all, they got to where they are because they used the “fake it ‘til you make it” management style. This is how many of these kinds of bosses climb the ranks to become fucking clueless executives.
This academic study highlights and explains that many narcissists in management positions got there exactly because of this.
What sucks about this is that on their way up they will often act like a seagull manager when issues come up so that they look like a savior and then disappear when the work needs to be done. This means the burden lands on your shoulders.
Then, after all the hard work, they’ll act like office peacocks to garner all of the praise for sorting things out. They always find ways to get some kind of credit, if not all of it. This is how they constantly feed their egos and why you don’t get the recognition you fucking deserve.
In most cases, but not all, they got to where they are because they used the “fake it ‘til you make it” management style. This is how many of these kinds of bosses climb the ranks to become fucking clueless executives.
This academic study highlights and explains that many narcissists in management positions got there exactly because of this.
What sucks about this is that on their way up they will often act like a seagull manager when issues come up so that they look like a savior and then disappear when the work needs to be done. This means the burden lands on your shoulders.
Then, after all the hard work, they’ll act like office peacocks to garner all of the praise for sorting things out. They always find ways to get some kind of credit, if not all of it. This is how they constantly feed their egos and why you don’t get the recognition you fucking deserve.
2) Lack Of Empathy
Put simply, narcissistic bosses don’t give a shit about others. Period.
They don't care about how their decisions and demands affect others. Their only concern is getting what they want, when they want it. They're oblivious to the havoc they wreak on their employees' daily lives.
Overwhelmed and barely keeping your head above water with work?
Too bad. Here’s another urgent task that needs to get done before noon.
Gotta leave work a bit early to take your kid to an event?
Sorry, tough shit. Find another way to get your kid there.
You get the idea here. With a narcissistic boss, you know that nothing is more important to them than themselves and their personal agenda.
They don't care about how their decisions and demands affect others. Their only concern is getting what they want, when they want it. They're oblivious to the havoc they wreak on their employees' daily lives.
Overwhelmed and barely keeping your head above water with work?
Too bad. Here’s another urgent task that needs to get done before noon.
Gotta leave work a bit early to take your kid to an event?
Sorry, tough shit. Find another way to get your kid there.
You get the idea here. With a narcissistic boss, you know that nothing is more important to them than themselves and their personal agenda.
3) Unavailable And Unsupportive
Self-centered bosses spend more time and effort in making themselves look great than being a true servant leader.
What this means is that you rarely, if ever, get the backing and support from your boss to help you push your projects forward. In fact, they sometimes make it more difficult. Especially when you’re escalating issues to them and they just brush it off.
It’s like WTF, dude?! How about some fucking help?!
They make it really hard to keep your momentum when things get fucking hard at work because when things are going south, they take off to the north.
They will never have your back.
What this means is that you rarely, if ever, get the backing and support from your boss to help you push your projects forward. In fact, they sometimes make it more difficult. Especially when you’re escalating issues to them and they just brush it off.
It’s like WTF, dude?! How about some fucking help?!
They make it really hard to keep your momentum when things get fucking hard at work because when things are going south, they take off to the north.
They will never have your back.
4) Take Advantage Of Others
Narcissistic bosses are really skilled at finding ways to make themselves look better without having to actually do work. They play politics like an expert and know who and what to leverage to put the spotlight on themselves and move up in the reputation ranks.
What ends up happening is that they take advantage of others in ways that often hurt, demean, berate and/or belittle them. They have no qualms about throwing you under the bus. It’s awful.
They’re complete and total office assholes because of this.
They can be your ally one day and your enemy the next. All for the self-serving aim of boosting their thin and fragile image. Dealing with backstabbers at work just makes office life suck ass.
What ends up happening is that they take advantage of others in ways that often hurt, demean, berate and/or belittle them. They have no qualms about throwing you under the bus. It’s awful.
They’re complete and total office assholes because of this.
They can be your ally one day and your enemy the next. All for the self-serving aim of boosting their thin and fragile image. Dealing with backstabbers at work just makes office life suck ass.
5) Inconsiderate Of Other Ideas
It’s common for self-centered bosses to have a singular focus, not only on themselves, but also on their ideas and strategies.
They believe that their way is the only way. This often means that they won’t accept other people’s perspectives, thoughts and feelings. It has no value to them. Their solution is the best solution all the time.
While they may put up an act like they’re thoughtfully considering other people’s comments, suggestions and recommendations, the reality is that they’ve already made up their mind.
It’s shitty bosses like this and their bad management that leads good companies to struggle and ultimately, fail. Then, it’s folks like you that end up having to suffer through the stress of layoff and reorgs.
They believe that their way is the only way. This often means that they won’t accept other people’s perspectives, thoughts and feelings. It has no value to them. Their solution is the best solution all the time.
While they may put up an act like they’re thoughtfully considering other people’s comments, suggestions and recommendations, the reality is that they’ve already made up their mind.
It’s shitty bosses like this and their bad management that leads good companies to struggle and ultimately, fail. Then, it’s folks like you that end up having to suffer through the stress of layoff and reorgs.
Ways To Deal With Your Narcissist Boss
It's no secret that many office workers have to deal with narcissistic bosses. These bosses can be difficult to work with and often make the office a toxic work environment.
However, there are ways to deal with these difficult personalities. By understanding what makes them tick, you may find it easier to deal with them and manage your work stress so that you’re not burning out all the time.
Here are five tips on how to cope with a narcissistic boss.
However, there are ways to deal with these difficult personalities. By understanding what makes them tick, you may find it easier to deal with them and manage your work stress so that you’re not burning out all the time.
Here are five tips on how to cope with a narcissistic boss.
1) Remind Yourself That You’re Awesome
Egotistical bosses are really good at doing two things. First, they are experts at self-recognition and attracting artificial praise. Second, they’re skillful in deflecting and redirecting any blame for mistakes to you and others, even when they are the ones that dropped the ball.
It’s a reflex for them - seriously. You need to understand that. It’s like sneezing to them. It’s uncontrollable.
This is why it is so important for you to keep reminding yourself that you’re a kickass employee, loyal work BFF, great co-worker confidant, etc. You gotta be your own cheerleader ‘cause you know it’s not gonna come from your boss.
You know you’re valuable to the company and that you contribute a lot. Nobody, including your bitch boss, can take that away from you.
It’s a reflex for them - seriously. You need to understand that. It’s like sneezing to them. It’s uncontrollable.
This is why it is so important for you to keep reminding yourself that you’re a kickass employee, loyal work BFF, great co-worker confidant, etc. You gotta be your own cheerleader ‘cause you know it’s not gonna come from your boss.
You know you’re valuable to the company and that you contribute a lot. Nobody, including your bitch boss, can take that away from you.
2) Don’t Take Anything They Say Or Do Personally
Words can be very hurtful at times, especially when you think that they are personally aimed at you. It’s hard not to feel angry, depressed, vengeful, mad or sad when somebody talks down to you or puts you down. It’s a natural human response.
You can only feel the negativity if your mind believes that what they’re saying is true.
We all know that there’s nothing but bullshit coming out of their mouths. Don’t believe it and then your mind will let that shit roll off into the gutter.
Here’s another way.
Imagine if some random person that speaks some obscure language comes up to you and starts talking. You won’t have a clue as to what they're saying. It could be about the weather, what to eat, directions, etc. None of what they say would offend or hurt you.
You gotta use this same kind of tactic with your asshole boss.
You can only feel the negativity if your mind believes that what they’re saying is true.
We all know that there’s nothing but bullshit coming out of their mouths. Don’t believe it and then your mind will let that shit roll off into the gutter.
Here’s another way.
Imagine if some random person that speaks some obscure language comes up to you and starts talking. You won’t have a clue as to what they're saying. It could be about the weather, what to eat, directions, etc. None of what they say would offend or hurt you.
You gotta use this same kind of tactic with your asshole boss.
3) Feed Their Ego To Benefit You
If what your boss is looking for are praise and kudos, then dish it up in a way that will benefit you. You wanna do this in a way that doesn’t come across as blatant ass-kissing, even though they may like that.
It can be simple little compliments about their work outfit or maybe how their broadcast email was well-written or how their pre-meeting presentation made so much sense. You get the point here.
You want to play this out so that you build up a bank of positive deposits with them. So, when (not if) they get pissed off at you for some bullshit reason, it won’t be as bad.
Or, if you want to think more long-term and strategically about this, you can play stupid and ask them to help you navigate office politics since they’re so skilled at that. They can help you build alliances in other parts of the organization, which may help you get out of the situation.
It can be simple little compliments about their work outfit or maybe how their broadcast email was well-written or how their pre-meeting presentation made so much sense. You get the point here.
You want to play this out so that you build up a bank of positive deposits with them. So, when (not if) they get pissed off at you for some bullshit reason, it won’t be as bad.
Or, if you want to think more long-term and strategically about this, you can play stupid and ask them to help you navigate office politics since they’re so skilled at that. They can help you build alliances in other parts of the organization, which may help you get out of the situation.
4) Document Every Fucking Thing
Let’s not forget that narcissistic bosses will almost never take responsibility for mistakes and will always find ways to point the blame on you and others, particularly when shit hits the fan at work.
This is why you have to become really good at using CYA emails so that you can defend yourself from unjustified criticism and blame.
You can go further by also using cc and bcc emails wisely so that you can also have other electronic witnesses to back you up.
And, make sure that you also take better notes too so that you don’t let things slip that you might get blamed for.
The more you document things, the better off you’ll be. As the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
This is why you have to become really good at using CYA emails so that you can defend yourself from unjustified criticism and blame.
You can go further by also using cc and bcc emails wisely so that you can also have other electronic witnesses to back you up.
And, make sure that you also take better notes too so that you don’t let things slip that you might get blamed for.
The more you document things, the better off you’ll be. As the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
5) Challenge Or Criticize Very Carefully
Narcissists are unable to cope when things go sideways or fail. They will rarely admit fault. So, when you really have to provide some honest and constructive feedback or criticism to them, you gotta do this very carefully or you’ll risk triggering a blamestorming session.
Use the shit sandwich method.
Compliment them on the positives of the situation or issue then point out the mistake or what could have been done better and end it with another positive thing.
The shitty middle part is in between good points. That’s your shit sandwich.
This criticism strategy works well to minimize the blow because it balances out the one negative point with a couple of positive points.
Use the shit sandwich method.
Compliment them on the positives of the situation or issue then point out the mistake or what could have been done better and end it with another positive thing.
The shitty middle part is in between good points. That’s your shit sandwich.
This criticism strategy works well to minimize the blow because it balances out the one negative point with a couple of positive points.
Forget Your Vain Boss & Just Be Awesome
In dealing with your narcissistic boss, it's important to remember that no matter how things are going for you at work, your narcissistic boss will always be acting in a very self-centered way.
And, if you’re constantly trying to change their personality, you’ll be banging your head against the wall forever. You can’t change someone’s core personality.
Read that last sentence again.
You have to accept who they are and how they operate at work. More importantly, you should do so in a way that won’t make your work life an absolute misery. In fact, in some ways, you can flip the script and make it work for you.
You’ve gotta train your mind to keep a positive attitude so that you can overcome these situations.
Just remember, it's not you, it's them.
Don’t get all pissed off at their antics. Let them be the shallow vain person they are.
You just focus on being an awesome kickass contributor and team player. This will boost your personal brand and soon enough, you’ll be rising past your mirror-staring boss.
Feel Better,
[Cubicle|Therapy]
And, if you’re constantly trying to change their personality, you’ll be banging your head against the wall forever. You can’t change someone’s core personality.
Read that last sentence again.
You have to accept who they are and how they operate at work. More importantly, you should do so in a way that won’t make your work life an absolute misery. In fact, in some ways, you can flip the script and make it work for you.
You’ve gotta train your mind to keep a positive attitude so that you can overcome these situations.
Just remember, it's not you, it's them.
Don’t get all pissed off at their antics. Let them be the shallow vain person they are.
You just focus on being an awesome kickass contributor and team player. This will boost your personal brand and soon enough, you’ll be rising past your mirror-staring boss.
Feel Better,
[Cubicle|Therapy]