• Having sex at work spices up your life
  • Find hidden spots at work for quickies
  • Plan things out and be smart about it to make it a reality
The urge is uncontrollable and it’s really driving you crazy.

The only thing on your mind right now is how you can release all of your pent-up sexual desires. You can’t focus on work - at all.

You’re horny AF and need to do something about it soon because waiting until after work just won’t cut it. You need to find a solution like right now.

The inconvenient reality is that you don’t live across the street from work so there’s no way for you to get a nooner in with your partner during lunch.

All of the sexting and seductive glances aren’t making things any easier. They’re just getting you all worked up.

And you can’t just get up, leave your desk and be all MIA for a couple of hours.

Or can you?

Here’s how to have sex at work so that you can get that sexual release and not get caught doing so.

Tips For Having Sex At Work

Is there anything more thrilling than getting it on at work?

Seriously, think about it. The danger of being caught. The thrill of doing something forbidden.

Plus, when you're done, you can go back to work with a smirk on your face, knowing that you got laid during the day. And according to this study, sex reduces cardiovascular risk and is a great stress reliever.

If you've never dipped your pen in company ink and had sex at work, then you're seriously missing out.

Here are some tips to help make sure your workplace tryst is as enjoyable as possible while minimizing the chances of getting caught.

1. Plan It Out

Yes, being spontaneous has its merits and it definitely keeps the relationship lively. However, when it comes to sneaking in some sex at work, you gotta plan it out or else you’ll get busted and shit will hit the fan.

There are a lot of variables at play here. You need to account for these and have preset gameplan options ready to go when the opportunity arises.

So, when your boss is taking an extended lunch with a client or most of the team is at an offsite event or whatever the scenario is, you and your partner have the option already set and you guys can take action on it.

Have a gameplan in place so that whatever the situation is, you guys will have the right strategy.

2. Be Discreet

If you want to keep a good thing going, you gotta be discreet about this. So, don’t be stupid.

The risk of getting caught is part of the attraction and let’s be real, it’s a turn-on. However, getting busted and subsequently preparing for job loss isn’t.

So, what this means is that you need to keep everything on the down-low. You and your partner need to be smooth-n-sly when it comes to sneaking off for a quickie.

Don’t draw attention to yourselves. No PDAs or playful bantering in public spaces. Keep it professional.

3. Keep It Legal

Okay, this is obvious. Don’t break into other offices or buildings. Trespassing will get you arrested and you’ll lose your job.

And if you work in particularly sensitive industries, like child care or in educational environments like schools, you’ll want to seriously consider other places to have sex other than at work. Getting caught having sex near or around minors could tag you as a sexual offender.

This will definitely kill your chances of promotion and probably even destroy your career prospects too.

4. Make It Simple & Quick

As much as you enjoy all the foreplay that leads up to the actual sex, you don’t have the time for this. This is all about speed and efficiency.

There’s no time for slow make-out sessions. You gotta get in the zone fast. This is all about dropping your pants and bumping uglies. This means easy and fast access while standing and/or bent over.

For the gents, it’s all about easy-peel pants. And for the ladies, loose-fitting dresses without panties are ideal. You know what works best. So, go with that. Just be sure to keep it simple and quick.

And, don’t forget to pack a mini tube of lube to get the action started fast and friction-free.

5. Avoid Gloating Or Gossiping

As much as you might want to tell your work BFF about these risque activities, it’s a bad idea. You gotta avoid the gossip trap. If word gets out that you guys are banging at work, both of you will get in hot water with your boss and HR.

So, don’t be stupid. Keep your fucking mouths shut and don’t gloat or gossip about your office sexcapades with your coworkers.

Otherwise, you’ll get your ass fired on the spot like George Costanza.

VIDEO: George sleeps with the cleaning lady
LENGTH: 1:16
If you really need to tell someone about it, then pick someone from your personal social network, far outside of your office network.

Even better, blab about it anonymously on Reddit. You’d be amazed at how great that feels to share your experiences anonymously.

6. Bring A Clean-Up Kit

You don’t want to make this a crime scene with all the evidence scattered around. You need to remove all evidence of your sex session from the area and from yourselves.

Wet wipes are perfect for this. They’re great for cleaning up the residual sex sauce and drool. Plus, they also provide a fresh clean scent to help cover up some of the potential funk.

And please don’t resort to over-spraying perfume or cologne to cover up - that’s a cubicle etiquette thing too.

Finally, don’t be leaving used condoms and cum-soaked tissues on the floor. Bring a small ziplock sandwich bag to stash the post-sex clean-up waste, seal it and then bury it in one of the larger trash cans so it’s not visible.

7. Don’t Bang Your Boss Or Subordinate

Having sex at work is risky enough. Banging your boss or your subordinate takes things to another level. It makes things so much more complicated.

If you fall into this bucket, be sure to follow these do’s and don’t of dating your boss. There are all kinds of other legal issues that come into play with this that the risks would far outweigh the benefits.

And don’t even think about doing this with another married person. Having an affair is scandalous enough as it is. Getting busted for having sex with another married coworker at the office would get both of your asses canned fast.

8. Avoid Camera Surveillance Locations

Back in the day, cameras were big and bulky, you could easily spot the long canisters anywhere, whether it was in the hallways, warehouse, parking lot, elevators, etc. They were so easy to spot.

Now, the technology has improved so much that cameras can be placed anywhere and they can be tough to spot. The little black domes can be tucked in corners and other areas that you’d never suspect.

Keep a keen eye on where these cameras are. You gotta cover your ass. They’re usually in high-traffic spots like the lobby, elevators, hallways or in asset-heavy areas like the warehouse, safes, etc.

You want to stay clear of these areas.

Places To Have Sex In The Office

Think you know all the places to have sex in the office?

You might be surprised that there are more options than you think.

To be honest, it’s a challenge to find a hidden spot in the office that is guaranteed to be safe from getting caught. In fact, there are no safe spots for having sex at work. But, that’s part of the attraction!

Having that bit of risk is what makes things exciting.

Check out these hot spots for getting it on at work. Who knows, you might even get some ideas for your own private office fantasy! 

1. Your Office (If You Have One)

If you’re in the unfortunate position of being in shitty middle management but have your own private office, then this can be an ideal spot to get it on.

The key here is to set precedence BEFORE you start using your office for sex.

What we mean by this is that you need to start getting into the habit of closing your door and shutting your blinds for in-person meetings and/or conference calls. The more you do this, the less it will be seen as an unusual behavior on your part.

You want to do this for several months to get people used to seeing this. Then, when the opportunity arises, you can sneak in a quickie without attracting any attention.

2. Rarely Accessed Storage Room

Every office has several storage rooms or supply closets. And, there’s always one that is rarely used or accessed.

In some cases, these rooms or closets are locked. If so, you need to plan ahead to establish a business need for accessing the space.

This could be that you don’t have enough space in your cluttered cubicle and need to store boxes filled with files or that your job responsibilities require you to access the items in the space periodically.

If you can convey this as a credible and realistic need, you’ll get the coveted key to the space.

3. Meeting Room That Nobody Uses

You know that one meeting room that nobody books because it doesn’t have a whiteboard, speakerphone or projector? Or maybe the table and chairs are all janky and the lighting sucks.

Whatever it is, find that one conference room that nobody books and scope it out.

Is it far enough away from foot traffic?

Are there any blinds to cover the windows?

Is the door lockable?

Do your due diligence and evaluate the room as a possible sex site. What you’ll probably find is that traditional offices with cubicles versus open offices are a bit better.

4. Fire Escape Stairwell

In some office complexes, particularly in large buildings, there are dedicated fire escape stairwells that are rarely used.

In many cases, there are specific fire codes that require office buildings to have a minimum of two fire escape stairwells in the event of a fire evacuation.

What you’ll notice is that most people don’t use these stairwells and just use the elevators instead. That’s too bad because it’s a great low sweat easy micro workout.

However, this presents an opportunity to use the vacant space for shagging.

Be smart here and find out how many people or companies are on that floor. Find the floor that has the fewest number of people and that’s the one you want to target.

In between each flight of stairs, there is a transitional landing where the stairs change directions. These landings are your target spot because they are sometimes out of view from the door and offer the space you need.

5. Basement Archives

Not many companies have a basement. However, if your does, it can be another ideal spot for some midday humping.

Just keep an eye out for Milton from Office Space. 😉

The nature of archives is that stuff is stored there for extended periods of time without much activity. This makes the basement archive a great spot to have sex.

Again, you need to lay the groundwork beforehand to get access to the archives. Find out what’s stored in the basement and build your case for accessing the basement for your projects or even better, your ongoing grunt work responsibilities.

6. Rooftop

Okay, this one’s a bit tricky. Here’s why.

Most rooftop access points are locked with alarms and if you try to open them, it will trigger the alarm. So, it won’t work.

Next, many of these doors are also self-locking so even if it didn’t have an alarm, it can lock you out if you’re not careful.

So, check if the door is equipped with an alarm and whether or not it’s a self-locking one. If it’s neither, then you’ve got a potential spot for sex.

Take a break from all the digital eye strain and go for a walk outside and take look around your office building. See what other buildings are nearby. They may be able to see your rooftop. And if so, nix this one from the list and move on.

7. Janitor’s Closet

This isn’t the best smelling place in the office, but it does have one great thing going for it. It’s only accessed for a short part of the day and beyond that, it’s never used.

In many cases, the cleaning crew or staff don’t start their work until the end of the day when you disconnect from work and leave the building. This is the only time the janitor’s or cleaning closet is accessed.

Outside of these after work hours, the closet is never used.

The challenge is that if the closet is locked, you’ll need the key. And, somebody has the key. It’s your task t find out who’s got the key.

When you do, create a substantial mess at your workspace right before lunch and ask for the key so that you can be that responsible employee and clean up after yourself.

When you get the key, head out for lunch and make a quick copy of the key for yourself. When you get back, get a few cleaning supplies from the closet and clean up the mess and then return the key.

Now, you’ve got access to the closet.

8. Electrical Room

This is another one of those rooms that are very rarely accessed. About the only time that an electrical room is accessed is when there’s a problem with the electricity or elevators.

The tough part is that these rooms are typically locked and located in high-traffic areas near the elevators, main entrances and/or lobbies.

The only way to get access to this room is via the facilities manager. You’ve gotta come up with a creative reason to access the room. Or maybe just give them some free office donuts.

It could be that you’re auditing the electrical meters as part of a company cost saving task. Or, working with a vendor that is looking to provide electrical enhancements and you need to get them access.

Figure out a creative angle that is credible and you’ll be able to get the key.

Plan It Out, Be Smart And Have Fun

Although there are a lot of risks to having sex in the office, it can still be a lot of fun and create some happiness at work for a change. In fact, you and your partner can use the risks and limitations to make sex even hotter.

You just gotta be smart about it.

Figure out and plan how you can get a little nookie in discreetly during the workday. Scope out the office together for potential areas where you can have a little fun.

Planning is the key to making this a reality and a sustainable part of your day. And, if you get everything lined up, you just may have a sweet setup to spice up your day and manage work stress in an amazing way.

Plus, it’ll make Wednesdays really Hump Day.

Feel Better,

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