• Suppressing your emotions does all harm and no good
  • Venting assertively and objectively is beneficial for your health
  • Forgive and let that shit go to recover and get back to normal
It’s only Wednesday afternoon and you’re fucking done with the week already and then some.

You have three deadlines due the next day, two employee “trainings” that are less actual training and more like PR bullshit, stupid meetings that lead absolutely nowhere. You’ve just about had enough.

You’ve asked for an extension of the deadline because it’s just not realistic for you to finish so soon, but no one seems to be listening to you.

You haven't slept well and have this annoying neck cramp that just won’t go away.

You go to the break room and find the coffee pot empty. Some people just don’t have any office coffee etiquette.

You go to lunch and your favorite meal is sold out.

You go to your desk and find rude emails from Jake in accounting, throwing you under the bus in front of the entire company.

You’re about to lose your shit and desperately want to scream, shout, jump, and punch but you can’t and so, you don’t.

Instead, you bottled it up inside and maintain a fake calm demeanor on the outside.

Life sucks at this very moment.

You deserve better. 

Why You Shouldn't Keep Your Emotions Bottled Up

You’ve probably heard how keeping your emotions bottled up, especially anger, leads to all sorts of bad shit happening later.

But what most people don’t know is that keeping emotions bottled up messes with your mental, physical, and psychological well-being. Let’s break down why you should let those emotions flow.

1) Increases Body Pain

Have you ever been so fucking stressed and angry that you woke up to some part of your body in pain?

You probably just blamed it on your weird sleeping positions, but it’s actually worse. It’s your bottled up emotions.

Let’s zoom in on this.

According to this study carried out by the International Association for the Study of Pain, anger leads to pain, depression, and psychosocial functioning in chronic pain patients. It also had negative consequences on the physical health and health habits of these individuals.

Other studies have also linked anger with pain in normal individuals.

So the next time you feel like bottling all that rage, think about all the wicked cramps and aches you’ll be getting in the morning.

2) Leads To Illnesses

We’ve explained how bottling it up leads to pain so it makes sense that this could evolve into some kind of sickness.

Researchers since the time of Sigmund Freud, the great psychologist, have linked suppressed emotions with illnesses.

This study by the Cancer Management and Research institute links prostate cancer in men to suppressed emotions, especially anger.

This does not mean it affects just men, however.

This study by the American Psychological Association associated anxiety and anger with various illnesses and diseases in both men and women including cardiovascular diseases.

Think about the last time when a coworker fucking pissed you off.

When the person walked by you, did you notice your body tightening up, blood pressure and heart rate rising?

That’s exactly what you must avoid.

So learn to air it all out for your peace of mind and heart - literally. 

3) Decreases Cognitive Performance

This is a fancy way of saying that suppressing your emotions reduces the performance of the essential qualities your brain uses to carry out functions such as thinking and listening.

In other words, it screws up your mental capabilities and your productivity goes to shit.

This study carried out by the American Psychological Association observed that individuals who suppressed their emotions experienced sympathetic activation.

This means that their sympathetic nervous system, the system that engages our “fight or flight” instinct, was increasingly active.

So, suppressing your emotions alerts your brain about a false dangerous situation leading to increased heart rate, heightened senses, shallow sleep, and other instincts that your body automatically develops when it senses real danger.

This shit escalates quickly.

4) Affects Personal Relationships

This may be the most obvious point, but it’s sadly the most overlooked.

When you constantly suppress emotions in one area of your life, you inevitably release them in other areas, usually at home with your family or close friends.

This study done by the Southern Communication Journal found that people perceived their partner favorably and as great communicators when they express their emotions assertively rather than internalizing and denying them.

The study also found that people rated their competence in expressing emotions assertively than their partners did.

This goes to show that whenever you offload all that suppressed emotions on your work BFFs and expect them to “just understand and endure”, maybe they can’t always just understand and endure.

So now that you know not to suppress your emotions, let’s get to how you can express it assertively, in a way that doesn’t harm your relationships, personal brand and reputation.

How To Offload And Vent For Quick Relief

Though studies have confirmed that suppressed emotions have negative consequences, studies have also confirmed that continuous aggression has its own consequences.

This study by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology observed that expressing anger aggressively, termed rumination, led to sustained aggression for some people, even after the initial anger faded.

So kicking and screaming and throwing shit around may or may not work for you. Only you know yourself best.

In truth, kicking and screaming will get you some temporary relief but it’s won’t last very long because you haven’t dealt with the root cause of those emotions.

Here are some of the ways to deal.

1) Get Moving

Literally. Just get your body moving.

Once you feel yourself filling up with anger or stress or any of that bullshit, use it as a valid reason to take a walk outside.

You can walk around the office building, the block or walk to your local neighborhood park, cafe, wherever. Just get out.

You can even take a drive if you find that more relaxing. Just don’t let asshole drivers trigger your anger further.

Or hit the gym if it’s close to work.

Just don’t stay in the vicinity that caused the emotions until you find yourself level-headed again.

2) Do Something Soothing

If you don’t have the luxury of moving as much as you can. It could be raining or traffic is at its worst and you could only just move around the office under some pretext of looking for something.

Well, the next best thing is to do something that calms you.

Wear your earphones and put on some soothing music. Watch out for headphone hair and hold off on death metal and gangsta rap for now. You don’t want anything that riles you up again. Stick to chill and mellow vibes.

Or zone out with serenity by staring at a calm down jar.

If that’s not an option, there’s always YouTube. Search for calming nature landscapes, sleeping puppies, purring kittens, etc. You get the idea.

Just make sure you get yourself calm because you’re going to have to vent soon and vent assertively.

3) Vent Assertively

After calming yourself and identifying the root cause of your emotions, you’ll find that you’re in a better frame of mind to communicate your feelings properly.

Do not deny or treat these feelings passively. If the dire health warnings aren’t enough, think about your love life.

So here’s how you can vent assertively.

Get To The Root Cause

Firstly, you have to identify what and who’s got you all worked up.

Is it your control freak boss that is constantly hounding you with unnecessary work and barking orders at you?

Is it that asshole coworker that just manages to get on your nerves every single fucking time?

Or maybe you had a rough day at work and got assigned to a shitty project with the most pain in the ass coworkers in the company.

Whatever it is, identify it so that you can address it.

Vent In Your Journal

The best thing about a journal is that nobody is there to judge you. It’s just you and your thoughts.

So once you’ve identified the root cause of your anger, bring your notepad, digital or paper-based, and start writing.


Write every single emotion you feel, who you want to strangle and then some, and who you want to give a real good punch in the face to.

Write it all down and keep it where no one can find it - just like all your other journals.

When you keep enough journaling, you begin to see a pattern.

You begin to see who angers you the most, what triggers you, and even when you’re likely to get all worked up. From there, it becomes more like a logical therapeutic process.

Keep reading, it gets better.

Vent To Your Work BFFs

Now, this is a therapy we all need: getting all of that shit out to someone who we know and trust - your work BFF.

In this situation, you have to try to be objective - you’ve already gotten all the negatives out in your journal.

Right now, you just want someone by your side rather than badmouthing another person. Because when you think about it, having a friend who always complains non-stop becomes exhausting.

And that’s not you, right?

No. You’re that friend who explains what made them annoyed and just wants to get it out instead of shifting the hate onto someone else. Because everybody needs a good venting session.

Vent To Your Mentor

You want to also talk to someone who may have been in the same shoes as you and have enough experience in those shoes to tell you which part of the shoes makes your feet hurt like hell.

That’s why venting to your peer mentor or an older colleague that you trust helps.

Remember to be very objective because, unlike your work BFF, your relationship with this person may be a bit more formal.

Vent To Your Boss

Yup, you gotta have the dreaded conversation. Because if not, you’re only going to keep getting angry.

Here’s how to do it.

Wait for one of your routine meetings with your boss. If you don’t have those - which you should have, by the way - try to schedule a meeting with your boss at a time when you know they’re most relaxed.

Hopefully, you’ve gotten the initial anger out of your system using all the methods we explained earlier.

Take a deep breath and settle your mind. Maybe, even do a one-minute meditation before the meeting.

Then explain your situation and the thoughts and emotions you’re going through. Come from a place of respect and understanding.

We know it’s going to be hard at first, but it’s got to be said because you deserve your peace of mind too.

Speak To The Responsible Party

Now it’s time to get to the root cause of the angst whether it’s a person, process or thing.

If it’s a person, you have to let them know or you’ll keep being angry.

So schedule a time to meet with them and talk. It doesn’t even have to be at the office. It could be over coffee or lunch.

Explain how their behavior affects you.

Be very objective and don’t put the blame on anyone. Come from a place of understanding and be prepared to hear how you may affect their behavior as well. Remember, all relationships are two-way streets.

If it’s a process-related frustration, schedule some time with the person that is responsible for the process and share your feelings and then, offer your ideas to make things better.

If it’s an inanimate object that’s pissing you off, find the person responsible for that thing and explain the situation and ask for help.

Or, you could just do a beat-down on it like the guys from Office Space.

VIDEO: Office Space - Printer Scene
LENGTH: 1:37
Summary points:
  • No more “PC Load Letter” bullshit
  • Smashing uncooperative office equipment feels so good
  • Thermal inkjet printers should be banned

Be A Good Listener

We know all this is about you venting but remember that venting is not a one-way street.

Be prepared to listen to your work friends vent and give them helpful advice.

In that way, when it’s your turn to vent, they’re ever ready to offer their support as you’ve offered them.

This isn’t just about give and take.

It’s about having a network of people to whom you can reach out to and who can reach out to you when you all want to get a few things off your chests and need some advice for the days ahead.

Put A Time Limit On Your Vents

It’s good to vent but it’s better to vent for a specific time so that you can go about your day in peace.

Maybe you’re venting to your BFF at lunch. It’s more productive to limit it to lunch and then getting back to work than venting for the whole afternoon - which cuts into both of your times.

So vent and then get back in the zone with work.

4) Forgive And Let That Shit Go

So you’ve calmed down, identified the root cause of your anger, and vented to all the necessary parties.

Now it’s time to let that shit go.

What are you still holding on to it for?

Note that we didn’t say suppress it. Suppressing is when you don’t acknowledge it at all and are walking around with a shit ton of anger festering inside of you.

Letting it go is when you’ve addressed everything and need to cremate it and throw it to sea.

According to this study carried out by the International Journal of Psychophysiology, forgiveness is beneficial to the forgiver’s health.

So you’re doing yourself a favor as well.

Get It All Out & Get Back To Normal

Now, it’s Friday and you can’t believe you made it through the fucking week with all the bullshit and frustrations.

Actually, you can believe it because you took some actionable steps since Wednesday to make sure none of that shit repeats itself.

What did you do?

You exercised, slept well, ate right, vented to all the right people and got to the root causes - including making sure that Jake from accounting knew to stay in his fucking lane - in a good way.

It’s all about managing work stress like a boss.

Now you’re going home and you can’t wait for the weekend because you feel light and right.

As you walk out of the office, you disconnect from work and leave all the bullshit behind. You can actually feel the frustrations and stresses just drifting away.

No more snapping at your partner, the kids, the pets or even the innocent pizza guy for bringing the pizza late.

No more random body aches and pains and feeling like the world is on your shoulders.

You’re at ease with life.

This is how it should be.

Feel Better,

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