SUMMARY POINTS
It’s been a while since you’ve gotten laid. There’s an internal build-up of sexual pressure that’s reaching its limit.
And, all of the bullshit at work that you’re dealing with on is only making things worse. All the stress of overlapping deadlines, multiple projects and asshole bosses are creating a pressure cooker of sorts.
Having sex at work would be an ideal solution as it will go a long way in providing some welcomed stress relief.
However, that’s just not an option, mainly because you’re going solo.
The urge to diddle yourself and rub one out is uncontrollable and it’s really driving you nuckin’ futs.
The only thing on your mind right now is how you can masturbate at work and release all of the tension. You can’t focus on any of your tasks or projects.
You’re horny as hell and need to do something about it soon because waiting until after work just won’t cut it. You need to get yourself off - like right now.
The issue is that you don’t live next to the office and so there’s no way for you to go home during lunch to take care of yourself.
The only option is to find a way to get it done during the day while you’re at work and not get busted - ‘cause that’d be an absolute disaster with you getting shit-canned.
And, all of the bullshit at work that you’re dealing with on is only making things worse. All the stress of overlapping deadlines, multiple projects and asshole bosses are creating a pressure cooker of sorts.
Having sex at work would be an ideal solution as it will go a long way in providing some welcomed stress relief.
However, that’s just not an option, mainly because you’re going solo.
The urge to diddle yourself and rub one out is uncontrollable and it’s really driving you nuckin’ futs.
The only thing on your mind right now is how you can masturbate at work and release all of the tension. You can’t focus on any of your tasks or projects.
You’re horny as hell and need to do something about it soon because waiting until after work just won’t cut it. You need to get yourself off - like right now.
The issue is that you don’t live next to the office and so there’s no way for you to go home during lunch to take care of yourself.
The only option is to find a way to get it done during the day while you’re at work and not get busted - ‘cause that’d be an absolute disaster with you getting shit-canned.
Tips For Getting Yourself Off At Work
We know what you're thinking. "Masturbating at work? Are you fucking kidding me?"
Nope, we’re not kidding around.
It can be done and there are ways to do it that are discreet and won't get you in trouble. In fact, we'd go so far as to say that masturbating at work can actually improve your productivity.
Think about how good you feel when you’re in the zone with work and you’ve completed a strong work session. Imagine following that up with a mini self-love session as a stress relief break. That’d be ah-mazing!
In fact, according to this study, people who masturbate are less affected by stressors than those who don’t. You’ll be able to get back to work with a clearer head and in a more relaxed but focused style.
Here are some tips to help you plan out your masturbation session at work and make it as enjoyable as possible while minimizing the chances of getting caught.
Nope, we’re not kidding around.
It can be done and there are ways to do it that are discreet and won't get you in trouble. In fact, we'd go so far as to say that masturbating at work can actually improve your productivity.
Think about how good you feel when you’re in the zone with work and you’ve completed a strong work session. Imagine following that up with a mini self-love session as a stress relief break. That’d be ah-mazing!
In fact, according to this study, people who masturbate are less affected by stressors than those who don’t. You’ll be able to get back to work with a clearer head and in a more relaxed but focused style.
Here are some tips to help you plan out your masturbation session at work and make it as enjoyable as possible while minimizing the chances of getting caught.
1. Have Pre-Set Plans Ready
When you’re home, getting yourself off is much less of a risk than it is at work. Yes, you may have to contend with kids and/or your partner, but those are somewhat controllable/avoidable factors.
At work, it’s an entirely different set of challenges that are far more riskier and have much bigger consequences. There are more factors and variables that you need to contend with.
You gotta plan it out or else you’ll get busted and shit will hit the fan.
You need to account for these and have preset options ready to go when the opportunity arises like when your boss or team is in a long training session or at an offsite event.
At work, it’s an entirely different set of challenges that are far more riskier and have much bigger consequences. There are more factors and variables that you need to contend with.
You gotta plan it out or else you’ll get busted and shit will hit the fan.
You need to account for these and have preset options ready to go when the opportunity arises like when your boss or team is in a long training session or at an offsite event.
2. Put Together A Prep Kit
This is part of your planning and preparation. You don’t want to be in a situation where you don’t have all of the things you need to get down and dirty with yourself.
For some people, just using your hand and/or fingers with some lube is enough. However, for others, a little bit more is needed.
So, if you need a vibrator, pocket pussy or any other sex toys, get those things ready to go. Check the battery status at home before you get to work. Make sure that everything is good to go.
You don’t want to drop the ball on this. The equipment has got to be ready when you are so that there’s no fumbling around.
For some people, just using your hand and/or fingers with some lube is enough. However, for others, a little bit more is needed.
So, if you need a vibrator, pocket pussy or any other sex toys, get those things ready to go. Check the battery status at home before you get to work. Make sure that everything is good to go.
You don’t want to drop the ball on this. The equipment has got to be ready when you are so that there’s no fumbling around.
3. Wear Easy Access Clothing
On the days where you know that you’ll want to rub one out, you want to dress appropriately, meaning you should wear clothes that are comfortable and that provide easy access to the goods.
After all, this isn’t like WFH with no pants. You gotta wear everything to work. And, what you wear is important.
Having to fight with tight clothing that isn’t flexible will only make your self-love session less enjoyable. It can even ruin it too.
You know your wardrobe the best. So, pick the outfit that will be the most comfortable and workable for you.
After all, this isn’t like WFH with no pants. You gotta wear everything to work. And, what you wear is important.
Having to fight with tight clothing that isn’t flexible will only make your self-love session less enjoyable. It can even ruin it too.
You know your wardrobe the best. So, pick the outfit that will be the most comfortable and workable for you.
4. Get Yourself Revved Up Beforehand
You don’t have a lot of time to dedicate to this. You don’t want to be MIA from your desk for too long. Otherwise, people will start wondering where the hell you are.
To make your self-love session a quickie, you need to get yourself revved up beforehand so that when the session starts, you’ll be ready to launch things fast.
Some people can simply conjure up some sexual thoughts and get their juices flowing. But for others, more is needed. So, have some photos and/or videos of your fav porn on your phone. You definitely don’t want to be watching porn at work using the company network.
To make your self-love session a quickie, you need to get yourself revved up beforehand so that when the session starts, you’ll be ready to launch things fast.
Some people can simply conjure up some sexual thoughts and get their juices flowing. But for others, more is needed. So, have some photos and/or videos of your fav porn on your phone. You definitely don’t want to be watching porn at work using the company network.
5. Cover Your Tracks With A Clean Up Kit
Just like a sly criminal, you wanna remove all traces of evidence. This means that you need to put together a clean-up kit for the aftermath.
You must remove all traces of any sex juice or baby batter. You don’t wanna get caught with any of it visible on yourself or your clothes.
Kinda reminds us of this hilarious scene from the movie “There’s Something About Mary”.
VIDEO: Is That Hair Gel?
YOUTUBE: ClassicMovieScenes
LENGTH: 1:38
You must remove all traces of any sex juice or baby batter. You don’t wanna get caught with any of it visible on yourself or your clothes.
Kinda reminds us of this hilarious scene from the movie “There’s Something About Mary”.
VIDEO: Is That Hair Gel?
YOUTUBE: ClassicMovieScenes
LENGTH: 1:38
Put together a kit using a small zip lock sandwich bag that includes wet wipes, a few dry tissues and napkins.
When you’re done banging yourself, you can wipe things up fast and put the used wipes and tissues in the bag and then bury it in the trash.
The zip lock is key especially for the gents since baby sauce tends to smell pretty pungent.
If you’re taking care of yourself in the bathroom toilet stall, then flush the used wipes and toilet paper down the drain.
You gotta remove any and all traces of your jam job.
Then, be sure to do a thorough self-check in the mirror and straighten yourself up before heading back to your desk.
When you’re done banging yourself, you can wipe things up fast and put the used wipes and tissues in the bag and then bury it in the trash.
The zip lock is key especially for the gents since baby sauce tends to smell pretty pungent.
If you’re taking care of yourself in the bathroom toilet stall, then flush the used wipes and toilet paper down the drain.
You gotta remove any and all traces of your jam job.
Then, be sure to do a thorough self-check in the mirror and straighten yourself up before heading back to your desk.
Places To Rub One Out In The Office
In the old days, you could easily spot surveillance cameras. They were long white tubes or rectangles that housed cameras. They stuck out like a sore thumb.
Now, it’s totally different.
With all of the advancements in camera technology, the units have gotten much smaller with greater capabilities. These new cameras can see further and wider with greater resolution than ever before. And, they can be placed nearly anywhere.
What this all means is that you need to be very careful about where you masturbate in the office. It’s not like the freedom and flexibility of a WFH nooner.
The one good thing here is that there are laws in place where cameras cannot be used due to privacy. These are the bathrooms and nursing rooms.
But that doesn’t mean that those are the only places you can get yourself off. There are other spots too. You just need to carefully scope out the areas ahead of time.
Here are some locations where you can diddle yourself.
Now, it’s totally different.
With all of the advancements in camera technology, the units have gotten much smaller with greater capabilities. These new cameras can see further and wider with greater resolution than ever before. And, they can be placed nearly anywhere.
What this all means is that you need to be very careful about where you masturbate in the office. It’s not like the freedom and flexibility of a WFH nooner.
The one good thing here is that there are laws in place where cameras cannot be used due to privacy. These are the bathrooms and nursing rooms.
But that doesn’t mean that those are the only places you can get yourself off. There are other spots too. You just need to carefully scope out the areas ahead of time.
Here are some locations where you can diddle yourself.
1. Your Office (If You Have One)
If you have your own private office at work, then you’ve got an ideal location.
What you need to do is start using your office blinds and closing your door more often for all of those conference calls and stupid meetings.
What this does is set a pattern for others to see and accept as normal behavior on your part. So, when the time comes to stroke yourself, you can close the door and blinds and nobody will question it or give it a second thought.
Just be sure that there’s adequate ventilation because sometimes, there are residual genital funk odors that can waft around.
What you need to do is start using your office blinds and closing your door more often for all of those conference calls and stupid meetings.
What this does is set a pattern for others to see and accept as normal behavior on your part. So, when the time comes to stroke yourself, you can close the door and blinds and nobody will question it or give it a second thought.
Just be sure that there’s adequate ventilation because sometimes, there are residual genital funk odors that can waft around.
2. In Your Car
This location is a no-brainer because it’s your own private space on wheels.
The main precaution here is to be out of view from others. This means that you need to drive around the corner or to some other location nearby that is out of view from other people walking by.
You definitely don’t want to be in your company’s parking lot. There’s a good chance that there is a camera nearby.
And, there’s always the possibility of one of your coworkers spotting you or even worse, the office backstabber who would go to no end to tell everyone about it.
Get off company property and do it somewhere else. In fact, just squeeze it in during your lunch break either before or after you eat.
The main precaution here is to be out of view from others. This means that you need to drive around the corner or to some other location nearby that is out of view from other people walking by.
You definitely don’t want to be in your company’s parking lot. There’s a good chance that there is a camera nearby.
And, there’s always the possibility of one of your coworkers spotting you or even worse, the office backstabber who would go to no end to tell everyone about it.
Get off company property and do it somewhere else. In fact, just squeeze it in during your lunch break either before or after you eat.
3. Restroom That Nobody Uses
There’s always that one restroom that’s inconveniently located. It’s farther away from everyone else or maybe it’s located in the part of the office that has far fewer employees.
You need to find this kind of restroom because it will significantly reduce your risk exposure of getting busted.
And since it’s a bathroom, you won’t have to worry about cameras.
Plus, it’s got ventilation, stall privacy, toilets to flush evidence, sinks and mirrors to freshen up and check yourself.
The best kinds of restrooms are the ones that also have two sets of doors to go through. This gives you a kind of early warning system when you’re beating yourself off.
These kinds of restrooms are also great for toilet meditations for the off days.
You need to find this kind of restroom because it will significantly reduce your risk exposure of getting busted.
And since it’s a bathroom, you won’t have to worry about cameras.
Plus, it’s got ventilation, stall privacy, toilets to flush evidence, sinks and mirrors to freshen up and check yourself.
The best kinds of restrooms are the ones that also have two sets of doors to go through. This gives you a kind of early warning system when you’re beating yourself off.
These kinds of restrooms are also great for toilet meditations for the off days.
4. Small Meeting Room
This is a very risky option but can be a viable spot if you plan things out a bit more.
Usually, there’s one conference room that nobody uses because it’s too small, doesn’t have a projector, is located far away, etc. It could be any variety of reasons.
The main thing here is that it’s a rarely used meeting room.
The key things that this room needs are blinds or ideally, no internal/external windows, a locking door and a speakerphone.
You need privacy from the blinds or lack of windows and the speakerphone is needed so that you can loudly play a re-run of a boring conference call to help mask any sounds of masturbation.
Also, tape a sheet of paper with “Call In Progress Do Not Disturb” as an extra measure of insurance.
Usually, there’s one conference room that nobody uses because it’s too small, doesn’t have a projector, is located far away, etc. It could be any variety of reasons.
The main thing here is that it’s a rarely used meeting room.
The key things that this room needs are blinds or ideally, no internal/external windows, a locking door and a speakerphone.
You need privacy from the blinds or lack of windows and the speakerphone is needed so that you can loudly play a re-run of a boring conference call to help mask any sounds of masturbation.
Also, tape a sheet of paper with “Call In Progress Do Not Disturb” as an extra measure of insurance.
5. Nursing Room
More and more companies are now setting up dedicated nursing rooms for mothers that need to use a breast pump during the day.
Now, even if you’re not nursing or you’re a guy, you can still ask to use this room for meditation or personal prayer if it’s not being used for nursing. Most HR and facilities folks wouldn’t be opposed to that. In fact, if they oppose your request for prayer use, they could get in hot water.
Nursing rooms are also under the same privacy laws as bathrooms so, cameras are prohibited.
So, if your company has a nursing room, you may be in luck. You just gotta play your cards right and present yourself as a meditator, which is one of the best ways to manage work stress, or as a practicing prayer.
Now, even if you’re not nursing or you’re a guy, you can still ask to use this room for meditation or personal prayer if it’s not being used for nursing. Most HR and facilities folks wouldn’t be opposed to that. In fact, if they oppose your request for prayer use, they could get in hot water.
Nursing rooms are also under the same privacy laws as bathrooms so, cameras are prohibited.
So, if your company has a nursing room, you may be in luck. You just gotta play your cards right and present yourself as a meditator, which is one of the best ways to manage work stress, or as a practicing prayer.
Plan It Out, Be Smart And Get Your Release
Let’s face it - work is stressful AF and if you haven’t gotten laid in a while, this can be a bad combination.
Being able to get that sexual release is the key to clearing your head, shaking off some stress and being in a much better mood.
The first and best option is to hold off on yourself and wait until you get home to give yourself some much needed love. Your home is by far the safest place to get it on with yourself.
However, we understand that there can be some really extenuating circumstances where you just can’t wait. And so, if you fall into this bucket, do your pre-planning and be smart about it and you’ll be able to swing some discreet autoerotica at work.
It’s all about creating some me-time and taking care of yourself when things are crazy busy. Do it right and you’ll be golden.
Feel Better,
[Cubicle|Therapy]
Being able to get that sexual release is the key to clearing your head, shaking off some stress and being in a much better mood.
The first and best option is to hold off on yourself and wait until you get home to give yourself some much needed love. Your home is by far the safest place to get it on with yourself.
However, we understand that there can be some really extenuating circumstances where you just can’t wait. And so, if you fall into this bucket, do your pre-planning and be smart about it and you’ll be able to swing some discreet autoerotica at work.
It’s all about creating some me-time and taking care of yourself when things are crazy busy. Do it right and you’ll be golden.
Feel Better,
[Cubicle|Therapy]